Holding Still

The Horse Boy

I've just been reading The Horse Boy by Rupert Isaacsson.  This isn't a review, by the way, I am just LOVING this book.  Alex and I saw part of the movie on PBS a few weeks back, so I wanted to get the book to delve more into the back story and also get more details.  It is a true story of a boy with pretty severe autism and his parents' quest to help bring him back to them as he seems to drift farther and farther away.  Between the horses they ride at home in Texas and an incredible journey to Mongolia to visit the shamans there, incredible, no miraculous strides are made.  I haven't finished it yet, and like I said, didn't see the entire film, so I can't tell you if the changes stuck for their little boy, or how far he came.  But it is a beautiful, intense story I highly recommend.  Isaacsson is a travel writer, horseman and adventurer, so he writes about Mongolia's landscapes and people intelligently and respectfully.

Check it out!  I also found this cool website that has a story about Mongolian shamans which I also recommend.

Enjoy!

Obama book

I have the pleasure of reviewing a book for Mom Central/Mothertalk --  Obama:  The Historic Journey.  I was so happy to be able to participate, to be given a book about Barack Obama that I could share with my sons.  I was not disappointed.

My first thought was that it was not unlike a children's version of Dreams of My Father.  It traces Barack Obama's life from birth to inauguration day, giving two-page spread profiles of the significant people in his life:  mother, father, grandparents, Michelle and the girls and even Jeremiah White.

I especially appreciated the book's straightforward discussions of race throughout.  For example, how difficult it was for Barack to feel like he belonged, being a biracial child with a white mom and grandparents, or how Michelle Obama's freshman year roommate's mother pleaded with Princeton to move her daughter so she could have a white roommate.  Yikes!

I like the way the book is laid out graphically -- it's mostly easy to follow.  There are quotes interspersed throughout, highlighted in red and blue, a family tree to further explain Obama's history, an electoral map, and explanations of things like delegates and the candidate's positions on issues.  The photographs are wonderful.  My older son Habtamu is mesmerized by them.  I'm looking forward to when he and his brother are able to read it on their own.  

I think one of the things that helped me recapture the happiness and hope I (and so many others) experienced in November and January was this interchange between Michelle and Barack.  He and she had spent time with his grandmother in Hawaii, trying to decide if he should run for president:

"You've got to ask yourself...Why do you want to do this?..."  

"This I know:  When I raise my hand and take that oath of office, I think the world will look at us differently.  And millions of kids across this country will look at themselves differently."

I can't top that, so that is what I'll leave you with.  

A book shower

I am back on the book review bandwagon!  I just received The Double-Daring Book for Girls by Andrea J. Buchanan and Miriam Peskowitz.  I reviewed their first book, The Daring Book for Girls last year.  This is a further exploration into projects, trivia, experiments and history for girls.  I ended up giving the first book to my husband's 12 year old cousin, who tells me she would like to have this one when I'm finished.  I consider that to be a good review in itself.

It's a fun book, I enjoyed the random historical facts about women I read, and was particularly interested in the crafts -- dream catchers; decoupage bowls; batik.  I'll use that info for future art classes, for sure.  I also got absorbed in the hula hoop factoids, as our older son, H. is an amazing hula-hooper.  I believe that the world record is 7 hours, which I think he could beat.  However, he is a little boy, so I think he would lose interest after a few minutes and move on.  A dream I must put on hold.

The people encouraging our reviews have asked us to turn this into a book shower, in the spirit of Daring in the title.  I considered the hula hoop, of course, and I may still do it.  But because it's a rainy day here, and I love words, I will direct you to an abridged list of Words to Impress from page 199 in the book.  I dare you to write a poem using one, two or more of these words.  I chose my favorite, the Haiku format -- first line 5 syllables, second line 7 syllables, third line 5 syllables.  You can do whatever type of poem you like.  Just leave it in the comments.  

I hope you can participate.  If not, I'm getting the hula hoop out!

Some of the more interesting words from the book:

agnosia:  The inability to recognize objects through the senses.

bloviate:  To talk for a long time, in a pompous manner.

chimerical:  Wildly fanciful; highly improbable

doppelganger:  A person's double; a ghostly twin of a living person.

euphonious:  Pleasing to the ear.

herculean:  Of unusual size, power, or difficulty; resembling Hercules in strength or courage.

imbroglio:  A difficult and complicated entanglement; a confusing situation.

jongleur:  A wandering minstrel.

larrikin:  A person given to comical or outlandish behavior; a rowdy or disorderly person.AWuidnunc:  a gossip or busybody; a nosy person.

tabescent:  Progressively getting smaller, wasting away.

undulant:  Resembling waves; wavelike in motion.

wizened:  Withered; shriveled; dried up; shrunken.

And here are my three haiku:

1. Tangling tails, backs arched,

Euphonious cats chorus.

The house cat's ears twitch.

2. Imbroglio my arse!

This is a fine example 

of just walk away.

3. Its nose pokes too far.

Personal stories are its food.

A Quidnunc it is.

Enjoy!

Out of the Mouths of Babes

I was recently given the opportunity to review Out of the Mouths of Babes:  Parenting from a Child's Perspective by Dyan Eybergen, RN for Mothertalk.  

Eybergen is a pediatric psychiatric nurse who, along with her husband, is raising three sons.  The book was advertised as being child-centered, specifically acknowledging the fact that each child's temperament is different, thus they will respond differently to situations and to parenting techniques.  

As my boys couldn't be more different, I was interested to hear anything enlightening on how to fairly treat children differently.  It's quite an issue for us.  Especially since our older boy is very concerned with fairness.  If he sees us treating his brother differently discipline-wise, for example, he feels very hurt.  Yet they are so different and require such different strategies and even language, sometimes.  I think I need to find some different words to describe different!

Enough about me!  On with the book!

I enjoyed the book for the most part.  However, I found it to sort of glance over issues and not give specific enough instruction on how to actually speak to your different children, or how to talk to yourself when your child does something that pushes your buttons.  She does give personal anecdotes that help illustrate a point she is making -- for example, in the toilet-training chapter, she divulges the very personal story of peeing her own knickers while a young woman, laughing with a friend, of course.  I appreciated that one, because I've been there, myself.  Her point being that no one humiliated her for wetting her pants, so that a parent shouldn't make his/her child feel badly for having an accident, either.

She emphasizes respecting your children and their differences, being patient with their different temperaments and allowing them the time they need to decide that they are ready to sleep alone in their beds, try a new food, or use the potty.  She is very child-centered in her presentation, which is good, of course, and the way it should be.  And she does discuss her own frailties as a parent, which I appreciated.  However, she does tend to be a bit judgemental, especially when it comes to rewards and behavior systems.  Each chapter traces a child's journey from infant to preschool/early elementary age, with the parent's role at each stage discussed in relation to the subject at hand -- sexuality, discipline, sleep-training, etc.  

Having not been there for my sons' babyhood, I found the chapter discussing discipline and sibling rivalry the most interesting, but again, her lack of flexibility regarding reward systems felt judgemental to me.  Probably because we use them with our older son, I may be a bit defensive.  Her discussions seemed to be suited to children whose behavior falls between "normal" ranges, and does not take into account children with histories of trauma, children who have been adopted, etc.  Not that some of the information wasn't helpful.  I just think that children with the histories I've described are so very individual, that a parent can use much more specific strategies and words to help find his/her way with that child.  Books that have served that purpose for me have been Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control (also against using behavior systems); Nurturing Adoptions (which utilizes behavior systems for extreme behaviors); and  Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves .

The title is meant to illustrate that we are to look to the child, to her words, to help us figure out how to treat and talk to her.  She also wishes to have us, the parents, put ourselves back into our children's places and try to imagine how they are feeling.  She includes actual quotes from children in her life -- her own, I believe, as well as the children of family and friends.  They are very cute quotes, as you can imagine, and give the book a more poetic feel, rather than a parenting-y feel, which is a nice change.

I guess I was expecting something with more concrete examples of how to treat different children differently while still being loving and fair.  I don't think it's necessarily as helpful for parents whose children who have experienced trauma, as I mentioned above, but there are other books out there like that, which I also mentioned previously.  An easy read, short and pleasant, but not necessarily memorable.

camp, behavior and book

I'm getting more used to being camp counselor Erin.  Still not a long-term career plan for me, but it'll do for the next two months.  The kids are getting used to the routine, as am I and my teen/young adult counselors.  I'm still fine-tuning our structure (transition times, getting in line to go to activities (3 year olds don't do lines, btw), specific jobs for the counselors), but things are easier.  Only one angry parent who withdrew her child, but it was the best thing for the child, who wasn't nearly ready to be here, and was just barely 3, too.

Habtam loves camp, though apparently he's been having a hard time listening and has been jostling to be first at all costs.  That is "line leader" to you seasoned teacher-types.  He is a competitive person, and always wants to be first.  We're working on it, but it is so instinctive to him, he can't seem to stop before he pushes his way forward.  And I think there are one or two kids who are equally competitive and they are all kicking and pushing one another.  

Ah, boys.  This is a big issue in my eyes because I remember teaching in the public school system.  I remember that those kids who pushed and kicked were always in trouble, you didn't necessarily want to play with them, and they were generally the first to be blamed when things went wrong.  If those kids also happened to be black, well, it was even worse for them.  Al and I have been working with H to slow down, think before striking out, using words to solve problems, not muscle.  It does not come easily to him.  He isn't one to strike out at someone for no reason -- his reasons may not be rational to us, but to him they serve his perceived justice or injustice.  He really wants to learn, to have fun, to make friends.  I am concerned that his sense of the injustice of things (why can't I be first, does he have more than I do, he/she should give that toy to me, now) will harm his abilities to fully realize his simple kid dreams.  Any thoughts?  The chart is till in use, btw.  When he is being rational, I allow him to decide if he will get a sad or happy face.  He chooses fairly, and is honest (most of the time!) when he's not been behaving appropriately.  He did try to implicate Lire in the debacle of spitting gargling water all over the floor.  It came out in the end that Lire hadn't spit that particular time.  Other times, yes.

One last aside.  I'm reading  Held at a Distance:  My Rediscovery of Ethiopia by Rebecca Haile.  I highly (Haile) recommend it (hee, hee).  She was born and lived in Ethiopia until about the age of ten, when her father's political work almost lost him his life.  This is a dramatic recounting early on in the book.  Their entire family eventually moved to the US, where she grew up, returning to Ethiopia 25 years later.  I'm about half way through, and am glad to have found it.  It includes personal musings, Ethiopian history (ancient, Christian and contemporary), culture, politics and social policies.  I'm liking it very much.  She has a familiar way of writing which makes you feel like you're listening to a friend discussing all of these intense and complicated issues.

more books

Here are some more books we like, and own.  All were gifts from my good friend, M, except Trouble, which I bought used on Amazon.  They are regular, repeated reading for the boys.  I highly recommend them to anyone, not just for kids of African descent.  They are really fun stories with captivating illustrations.  

Catch That Goat! by Polly Alakija:  The boys really like this one.  It's a counting book hidden inside a short tale of a mischievous goat who makes off with various items from a Nigerian market.  Ayoka is the little girl who is supposed to be goat-sitting for her mother, but spends all of her time asking her neighbors at the market if they've seen her goat.  The boys love counting the items left from the goat's looting and looking for traces of the goat -- kicking hooves, e.g.  A very comical book.

Mama Panya's Pancakes by Mary Chamberlin:  Definitely a fave at our house.  We have yet to make the pancakes in the recipe in the back, but we will.  This story follows Adika and his mom as they go to market to spend the few coins they have for ingredients for pancakes.  Mom worries because Adika invites so many friends to join them for supper -- will there be enough?  However, Adika's instincts prove correct when each guest brings something along to contribute to the feast and there is "a little bit, and a little bit more."  

The boys LOVE this one.  It takes place in Kenya, and at the end there is an illustration of a village and the elements within (trees, houses, animals, etc.).  Like most kids, they are fascinated with sharing (though they don't like to do it much!), and I'm sure the familiarity of the imagery (the houses look a lot like the house the boys grew up in, and of course, the characters are African) makes it a regular bedtime staple.  I really like the illustrations and the way the language flows in a sing-song way.  A pleasure to read aloud.

Running the Road to ABC by Denize Lauture  This one is a little old for our guys yet -- I think they'll get it more in a year or so.  However, they LOVE the illustrations and the story of the boys and girls running to school in the early morning hours, shoeless.  Habtam remembers that the kids in his village walked a long way to school.  He was too young to go himself, but he remembers that it was a special thing, and takes school very seriously.  This boy misses school, big time.  

The story takes place in Haiti, and the illustrations and poetic style follow the kids as they begin from their village homes, run through town, and finally arrive at school to learn another letter, another word, on the road to abc.

Trouble by Jane Kurtz:  this one takes place in Eritrea, a neighbor to Ethiopia.  It's a circular tale of a boy named Tekleh who always seems to find trouble.  We follow him throughout a day as he shepherds his goats (almost as mischievous as he is), meeting people, gaining and losing possessions, eating and sharing, and finally coming home to his family, who think he's just been out grazing the goats.  Silly parents!

Once again, I think the illustrations hit home with our guys, especially Habtamu, who remembers more of his life pre-the US.  This is the only book I've read by Jane Kurtz, but she has written quite a few that take place in Ethiopia and Eritrea, having lived there as a child with her family.

Have fun reading!

books for the boys

Thanks all of you for wanting to appease the Peevish Postmaster!  And thanks for your concern about Habtam, too!  If you want to include his name on the envelope, feel free.  Also, I thought he might begin his own correspondence course with his IRL friends, most of whom will be going to a different kindergarten next year.  It will be a way for him to practice his writing (which he loves to do), and to keep in touch.

I'm putting together a sort of haphazard list of children's books that we have liked that feature children who happen to have brown skin, like our guys, and that don't necessarily have a message.  Just books about everyday stuff.  We get most of our books at the library, so that's where I'm beginning.  It will not be exhaustive, for sure, but it's something I think about a lot.  If you have any additions, please share!

Three that we've read recently are:

The Paperboy by Dav Pilkey

Fireflies for Nathan by Shulamith Levey Oppenheim, pics by John Ward

A Tiger Called Thomas by Charlotte Zolotow, pics by Diana Bluthenthal 

The boys were quite taken with The Paperboy.  The paintings are evocative, as is the job of the paperboy! Our guys were fascinated that a child could get up before everyone else, ride his bike with no one but his dog, AND toss newspapers at houses.  I'm not sure how many paper boys or girls there are anymore, but we've got two willing volunteers at our house!

I didn't read Fireflies to the boys, I think Al did, so I'll have to ask him how they liked it.  They liked A Tiger Called Thomas enough to take it from the library twice.  Lire has a tiger costume, so he relates to that, and H often feels shy about talking to people, so he relates to that piece of it.  It's also just a coincidence that all of the stories feature boys.  I make a point of getting books about girls, too.  They really like Fancy Nancy, speaking of girls!  They like her fancy words and crazy outfits.

We also have a nice selection of "everyday" books taking place in Africa and Haiti that I will share some time in the future.  They are repetitive favorites around here.  

Review

I tucked myself into bed, excited to read a new book, loving memoirs, yet -- terrified.

I needed to read and review a memoir for Mothertalk -- The Sky isn't Visible From Here, by Felicia Sullivan.

I have a way of absorbing books into my pores so that they occupy my mind for much of the day. Or night, if I read before bed. I began reading, and I had to put it down. Oh man, I wasn't ready for the pain, or the descriptions of drug use, the loneliness seeping out of the pages. I waited until the next day when I was feeling stronger. After my first read, I was sucked in and finished it in a few days.

I am definitely squeamish about drug use, maybe it's a past life thing, or maybe it's what I described above. The loneliness and pain that drive someone to use. Sullivan gives us an intimate look into her life growing up in Brooklyn and Long Island in the 1980's as her mother sank into cocaine addiction. She relays between this time (between the ages of 10 and 22) to her times as a successful working woman in the 2000's, who is also a heavy user of cocaine and alcohol. "I'm not my mother," is a phrase I know I've thought a number of times, and I assume I'm not alone here. Sullivan repeats this mantra to herself over the years. She totally transforms herself in college, disguising her history, creating a new persona that she feels will be more palatable to her more privileged classmates in college. "I am not my mother."

Well, she becomes more like her mother than she'd like, unfortunately, and we read as she tries to confront her true self, who her mother was, and who and what family is. Definitely a tough read, but an amazingly written memoir. It's also interesting because it addresses what one needs in a mother, and how sadly her mom was lacking in much of it. I lucked into hearing an interview with Felicia Sullivan on a local radio station, and was struck by how she admitted that yes, she was an addict like her mother. But she realized that the way she was living was a good way to die, not a good way to live. Her mom never did.

If you like memoirs and can stomach the intense pain and descriptions of drug use, most definitely give it a read. Even if you have never used, don't have as conflicted a relationship with your mom, anyone can recognize in oneself the need for love and the search for identity that Sullivan addresses.

I also recommend checking out her blog, and though I haven't read them yet, some interviews.

two books

I've got two books I'd like to review, one having absolutely nothing to do with the other. They just ended up being in our house at the same time, and one of them gets read OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Thank goodness Al and I like it! We got it at the library, so eventually they'll ask us to return it (phew!)

It's The Gingerbread Cowboy by Janet Squires. It follows the traditional gingerbread man storyline, except this guy is a cowboy and lives in Texas. As the Gingerbread Cowboy runs away from the rancher and his wife, we are introduced to a fine selection of western critters all hungry to eat the little guy -- a roadrunner, javelinas munching on cactus pads, long-horned cattle and actual cowboys shouting "Stampede!" It is the crafty coyote who finally lures the over-confident Gingerbread Cowboy to his delectable, digestive death.

Our boys LOVE this story. H. has heard the original story before, but likes this one better. The illustrations are vibrant and warmly colored, just like the desert landscape in which it takes place, and the tone is light and funny. We're going to make our own Gingerbread Cowboys on Saturday, when we're all done with our coughing illnesses (cross fingers!).

The second book is We Belong Together by Todd Parr. I received a gift certificate and purchased this one without checking it out first, which I regret now. I was disappointed because I really liked It's Ok To Be Different, as did the boys. This one is about adoption specifically, and for me, contains too many subliminal saviour messages. It's framed with "We belong together because you needed _____" and I(we) did so-and-so to provide it." The author does mention at the beginning that readers can feel free to change the pronouns as appropriate to fit one's family, but it still reads too much like the child has all of the needs to be filled, and the parents come to save the day.

I guess I would have liked it if some of the scenarios included things the A-parents needed, and the child fulfilled. And in our case, some of the examples felt uncomfortable. For example, "...you needed someone to say "I love you," and we had love to give."

If one is in an open adoption where all family members love the child, that line falls flat. I know that H and L's family love them. They told us, they showed us. And you can tell because our guys are so incredibly loving themselves. You learn love by being given love. I balked at that page especially.

I don't mean to trash it, and I'm sure there are wonderful messages for the right readers, but I would have liked a more balanced book in terms of the giving and receiving. Al and I are discovering in delightful bite-sized pieces how much the boys have given us. Even when I'm lying on the rug, semi-conscious, saying for the 37th time to Lire, "yes, sweetie, that is SOME cardboard box you've got there!," I realize that they are giving me patience disguised as exhaustion. Lately Habtam has been complimenting me a lot -- "Mommy? I like your shiny eyes," or "Habtamu like Mommy's clothes," when I'm wearing longjohns and a poly-pro thermal top (hey, give me a break, I'm sick!). They are sweet, sweet little men.

Anyway, give both books a look, if you've got the time. I'm going to return the latter book for something else -- any recommendations?

The Daring Book for Girls

Being a bit immature, I got embarrassingly excited when I received my copy of The Daring Book for Girls. I can't even say "I would have been totally all over this book 20-some years ago," because I was totally all over this book, and I was born in the summer of love (smokescreen for my advanced age).

This book is a great reference for girls, from the glitter and turquoise-blue hardcover to the directions on levitating your friends, to the trivia snippet that Julia Childs was a SPY before she became a world-renown chef. I lent it to my 10 year-old niece, Katia, whose eyes lit up with supreme delight and gratefulness when I asked her to spend some time with it and give me her review. Later, as we flipped through the pages together, she said, "oh, yes, I read that... those songs were fun... I tried that... " and by the end, it turned out she had gone through it cover to cover. Her mom told me she had to pry it away from her to have a look at it herself.

The only criticisms she had were the table of contents, ("too difficult to find things"), some of the instructions ("a bit muddled") and some of the activities she tried didn't work. She attributed this to her being young and that she'd be better at them, "when I'm a bit older."

We both agreed it's a great reference with really fun ideas that can lead you to follow your interests with greater depth elsewhere -- reading palms, for example, something she and I agreed we both would like to know more about.

Neither of us could tie our hair up with a pencil, alas. Her hair was too long, mine too short. I got hers up with a chopstick, with a few alterations in the directions here and there. We had a lovely time together, and I think that it's a great, great book for forming and cementing female relationships, whether it be friend to friend, mother to daughter, or aunt to niece. Since I don't have any girls, I'm going to cover it with a plain paper cover and use it with my boys when they get older... Do you think they'll catch on?

* The Daring Book for Girls is written by Andrea J. Buchanan and Miriam Peskowitz