Holding Still

christmas in ct, etc.

We had a really nice Christmas.  Traveled to my parents' place and to the ILs.  Christmas was spent with the celebrating Irish, the two days afterward with the reluctantly celebrating ILs.  It went as well as could be expected, there were no sit-downs where all of my faults were enumerated and grievances aired.  Phew!  Oddly enough, L was extremely clingy while we were there.  He's inordinately empathic, so he could have sensed my feelings of alienation while there.  More likely, it was a new place, large and sparsely furnished, so he may have felt a bit insecure.  H noted that the house was "spooky" and he thought he saw a ghost.  My ILs have mentioned the presence of ghosts, so he may have had something there.  

As we speak, the boys are staying with my parents until Thursday.  I know, can you believe it?  A very thoughtful Christmas gift to me and Alex, indeed.  We are both working these three days, so it's good for them to have excitement and change instead of Alex trying to balance work and entertaining them when school is out.  I'm teaching some vacation art classes at the museum where I used to work, which is good.  I also just discovered that the recreation center and I received the grant for which we had applied in October.  We didn't get the entire amount, but we did get most of it, so that's good news, too.  I was missing those crazy kids!  The funding we had depended on dried up, and I wasn't sure if I'd be working with them again.

I'm still meditating on and praying hard for us to move houses.  We'll probably stay in the area for the next year or so, but a move upstate or out-of-state is a possibility.  There is talk of us moving closer to my family, which surprisingly fills me with relief.  I used to think distance improved our relationships, which maybe it did.  But now that we have the two little guys, having them nearby for support sounds very good.  

We will see.  2009 promises to be pretty interesting all around for us.  I always figure that if we do our best, pick a good path, the right decisions will be made and the right things will happen for us.  It might not seem so at first, but I'm hoping things will unfold that way.  I have to admit I like the unknown.  It's pretty exciting.  Al doesn't feel exactly the same.  In fact, he is filled a bit more with dread and anxiety.  I am filled with dread and anxiety when I imagine having to stay in this house another year.  In fact, the alienation I felt while at the ILs returned when we came back here.  I may have done it to myself, or it could be the house rejecting me, who knows.  Probably a bit of both.  This property has a strange history within this family, and who knows about way-back-when, when the native population was ousted by the Europeans.

The boys did great with all the traveling and visiting.  H had a bit of difficulty here and there, but nothing out of the ordinary.  Just the usual off-the-wall behavior, teasing Lire too much, defying adults.  But considering he was out of his element and a bit under the weather, he did great.  Santa came to my parents' house and treated the boys well, but didn't spoil them.  Nana and Poppie were equally generous, giving the boys gifts that required lots of assembly, which the boys LOVE.  They like spending time putting things together.  They did the first gift with Daddy, and then after we left they put the second one together with Nana and Poppie.  The first is a Playmobil@ post office, the second a L@go interlocking gear thingie.  They are also learning how to trace, how to connect the dots, how to make a slinky go downstairs, and reading many, many new books.  

A very nice Christmas, indeed.

fly on the wall

 Lire's long-held dream came true.  Ingrid came over to HIS house.  Not OUR house.  HIS.  

And it was a great success.  I picked them both up from school and brought them to our house.  Oh, excuse, me, I mean his house.  Farm animals and pet shop toys (not Pet Shop Boys) were taken out and set up, the "picnic truck" (Playmobil@ camper) was driven around, "picnic people" (Playmobil@ figures) squatted in the uninhabited creche/stable someone gave us and the Christmas ficus was admired.  Lire gave her the drawing he made over Thanksgiving for her (I know, he's been planning this for ages!).  Finally, it was time for tea.  But Ingrid drinks only water and milk, as she made very clear, so we warmed up milk and poured it into the much desired teacups.  I was enamored of these fancy cups myself as a wee lass, and Lire loves everything beautiful, so he really wanted to use them when Ingrid came over.  She chose the white china with the red roses, while Lire chose the china with the African violets.  I had the creamy yellow cup with the pears painted in the bottom of the cup.  Alex joined us and opened up a pomegranate to share.  Ingrid informed me that her mommy didn't want her to "eat those," so she settled for half a cupcake and a banana.  Lire ate clementines, pomegranate seeds, half a cupcake and a marshmallow.  Oh, and some nuts and cranberries.  He likes to eat a little of everything, if you couldn't tell.  

The rest of the afternoon went swimmingly, with Habtam arriving home from school towards the end, ratcheting up the activity level by 100.  The swivel chair was spun recklessly, with both Lire and Ingrid yelling at him to "STOP, WE'RE DIZZY," and there was much running downstairs with Ingrid being "booed" at (Mommy, Habtamu rude.  Why?  Habtamu scare Ingrid!")

Lire also gave her two of his solar-colored rings he received from Uncle B who brought them back from Mexico and Habtamu gave her his pirate treasure chest.  

She didn't want to leave.  Who would, with such adulation?

I later asked Lire what his favorite part of the afternoon was.

"Everything."

Until after the holiday festivities.  I'll leave you with a photo of Lire and his second snowman.  He replaced the shell nose with a carrot nose later on in the afternoon, but Chauncey jumped up and bit it off, eating it.  And then Chauncey jumped up and removed the snowman's hat and toppled it.  Note Chauncey way in the back of the photo on the front steps.  He is plotting his snowman destruction, though he's not aware of it yet.  He's that mischievous.

 

wandering pains and a VIP

I've had some weird ailments these past two weeks. That's not too unusual for me, since my auto-immune excitement years ago. My body likes to "go rogue." I am definitely getting more objective about it, though it's no less annoying. Last Monday I took a yoga class with a different teacher. It was tiring, a real workout, but I felt fine afterwards. I actually felt great as the day wore on. Then the next morning I awoke with a twinge in my right shoulder, which has happened before. It's a leftover from previously mentioned auto-immunity. It worsened as the day went by, and by evening, I was in intense pain if I tried to move my arm. Which I do quite a lot. So there was that. Resting and a yoga class with my regular teacher this Saturday have almost completely put that pain to rest. But pain must relocate and travel with an auto-immune disorder, so now my neck and ear are p-ing me off, and I'm losing my voice. That happened sometime between last night in bed and this morning when I awoke. I sound a little like Jessica Rabbit, except I produce more phlegm. Mmmmm, phlegm! Enough comedy jokes! Onto the boys! Habtamu is VIP this week in his class. Each child gets an opportunity to be VIP. The kids can bring in a favorite book, food, activity, music, etc. to share each day with their class. Their family members are also invited to visit and talk about the VIP. The first day he brought in an I SPY book. It's not his favorite (that would be the Bible. I'll do a separate post about that one!), but he rightly thought it would be a fun book to share. Today he brought in a loaf of Ethiopian honey dabo (bread) that he and Lire and I baked yesterday. It's from this wonderful cookbook, which I highly recommend, even if you have no ties to Africa. He also brought in Sorene, the Ethiopian children's folk CD we have. He didn't tell me whether or not they listened to it today, and I kept meaning to ask but then he lied to me about the gum he illicitly chewed before dinner, so I got distracted. Any-who, tomorrow I'm going to visit his class with his brother. We are going to do a craft project (his request), and look briefly at his lifebook again. We are going to focus on different houses -- those we saw in Ethiopia, the one we live in here, probably a few others from other areas of the world. Then we will make a simple origami house which the kids can later decorate with collage paper and colored pencils. It's a cute project, and the kids like to decorate it inside and out. Maia, as for the reception of his lifebook last week -- I have almost no info. His teacher was absent that day, and when asked about it, Habtamu replied, "I forget." Did anyone ask any questions? "I forget." Do you remember which pages you looked at? "uhm, no." We're not sure if it's a true loss of memory or a self-defense mechanism. He is definitely more self-conscious about being Ethiopian and adopted than he was last year, so we're watching as he feels his way around. I'm hoping to see how he feels about it tomorrow and even more hopefully that we'll talk about it. It was his idea to bring it, so we'll see. On Thursday he will take the day off to go to NYC with us, and then on Friday Dad will visit school and look at a book about NYC with the kids and talk about our trip. If my cold progresses unfavorably, I may stay home, as I tend to experience extreme illness unless I rest at the beginning of it.

And now for some eye candy from this past Sunday's flurry-licious frolics! Brothers and C3PO (that is a tongue-twister for Habtam, btw! -- he says "3CPO")

Go Habtam!

Today H's teacher called us.  She has called a couple times since the beginning of school to talk about his behavior.  Today was a bit different, however.  H had an AWESOME day!  Hurray!  When I told him that she had called and what she had said, he covered his mouth with his hand and his eyebrows shot right off his forehead.  To celebrate we had some hot carob cocoa.  Tomorrow is his day to share with his class.  Each student has two days this month to share something about themselves.  He decided to bring his Lifebook.  We went through it and he decided which pages to leave, and which to remove.  Tonight he learned what the word "personal" meant.  He removed the pages which included his family in Ethiopia.  When I mentioned that these were personal, he asked what that meant.  I tried to explain it in a way he could understand, mentioning that some things were hard to talk about, and that if people asked a lot of questions about them, it could make one feel uncomfortable or sad.  

I have a friend who adopted siblings right before we did.  She told me her older son talks a lot about his original family, how he misses people, etc.  I bring the boys' family up regularly, in fact Lire has been bringing them up lately.  H says he doesn't think about them, miss them or remember them.  How much of this is true, I'm not sure, but it reopens all those doubtful and confused feelings I have when thinking about the boys' lives before us.  

I'm curious to hear how it goes tomorrow.  I will call his teacher to prep her for it, or leave her a note explaining the Lifebook.  It is interesting looking at it over time with the boys, since they understand so much more these days.  

As for Julie's question about where the ones go if they're not allowed to be carried to the tens' place.  I'll let you know once I find out!  

the real world, preschool style

I hated school for a long time.  I think until 6th grade.  I cried until 3rd grade.  When very young I was the kid grabbing her mom's knees, screaming piteously, terrified to be separated.  In elementary school it was more a quiet sob with pools of tears filling up my eyes, three or four spilling down my cheeks.  

Our boys' love and enthusiasm for school is a welcome surprise, thank goodness.  They LOVE school, always have, have never cried.  Lire clung a bit last year, but not too much, and he was always able to eventually let me take my leave.  

I was also a goodie-two-shoes whose only negative mention on the report card was that I was too shy.  The boys do NOT have that problem.  Their negative mentions involve disruption and inability to follow rules (H) and interrupting and talking in an "outdoor" voice at all times (L).  Mostly, they are doing great, loving the social life at school, soaking up knowledge like sea sponges.  

Lire is one of the stars of a preschool psycho-drama taking place in his classroom.  He is absolutely and totally enamored of a little girl I shall call Ingrid.  

L:  Mommy, why Ingrid no sit next me?

L:  Mommy, I make present Ingrid.  She still no sit next me."

L:  Mommy, Ingrid come my house.  She sleep in my bed.  Not Habtam's bed.  

L:  Mommy, I not Ingrid's favorite friend.  Molly is.  

And on, and on.  We are awaiting Ingrid's mom's call so she can come over and play one day soon.  Now every time I'm on the phone L asks if it is I's mother.  

Habtam's best friends at school are girls, too.  This interests me because he has told me many times that he prefers boys, boys are faster, smarter, etc.  One of the girls attacked him on Halloween and tried to kiss him!  He turned as red as he could and his eyes opened very, very wide.  He allowed her to hold onto his sleeve and pull him about from store to store to trick-or-treat.  He told me later:  "Mommy, I did not run.  Maggie was a princess.  I don't want her to fall."  

There is hope for the macho Habtam, after all.  

As for my previous request about the thank you to my in-laws.  I decided to send the boys' note sans the light catcher (they have not fared well with time), but with a bunch of photos and a note discussing the photos but with no mention of the Inquisition/witch trial.  I haven't heard a peep, though I know Al has spoken to them regularly.  

I have a part-time gig teaching math (!) at a local alternative school in the 'hood.  Today was my first day.  Did you know that they are doing math differently than they were when I was a young'un?  I have to brush up on it, keep a step ahead of the kids, etc.  No carrying ones to the ten's column, thank you very much.  Wish me luck!  

Below are the boys' birthday cakes, btw.  The first is H's -- it was his choice, if you're curious.  The second is L's, also his choice.  I couldn't find any ballerinas, but he seems to have forgotten about them.