Holding Still

up in the air

It's been a little more interesting around here than I'd care for it to be.  I LOVE summer -- beaching, wearing very little clothing, barefoot walking, corn on the cob, etc.  However, working at the camp definitely puts a bit of a damper on the usual slothfulness I'm used to.  Oh, and having two kids.  

I'm actually enjoying myself at camp these days.  I'm at the point I remember many moons ago when I worked with wee ones in nyc:  Falling for the little people who independently motor around the early childhood room, yogurt smeared on their faces, toys employed for a totally different purpose than intended.  The way they move into magical thinking like that -- poof!  "We are all baby turtles hiding in our shells!"

What I didn't anticipate was how bittersweet it would feel.  The joy of getting to know someone so little, so interesting was one of my favorite perks of the job.  Feeling one way about a child the first few weeks, and then slowly watching as he/she opened up to you, their teacher.  Realizing how special that little person is!

I'm discovering all of the campers' quirky personality traits and enjoying it immensely.  The hard part is that I don't think I ever got to feel that with my older son.  There has been so much struggle all along, that the intimate surprises were overshadowed by doubt and concern.  What makes it that much more difficult is that with our younger guy, it did happen, and still happens daily.

I realize that this is all me.  He doesn't know, or even care, what my expectations of our relationship are.  He's trying to make it one day at a time, trying to find his place in our family, in the world.  I try to remember the students I had who didn't make it easy for me.  I learned a lot from them, of course.  I know that H will help me to learn new ways to communicate, new ways to respond.  

I missed a great deal of H's early childhood, which becomes more apparent as we discover that he is indeed significantly older than we were told.  He was never my baby, my toddler, or my three-year old.  His 6 year molars came in over the winter and he lost his first tooth this week, with two more loose ones ready to fall. I think he is still confused about all of our roles in the family.  We are having a tough time helping him relax into being a kid.  I think he thinks of himself as an adult, one of us.

Summer camp is fun for him, but he's having problems relating which he didn't have so much in school.  Probably because it is much less structured and there is little quiet time.  Fortunately it only goes to one, and then we have enforced quiet time at our house.  Then all four of us do something together, and we ease into the evening and bedtime.

Not sure how to end this one.  Everything is still up in the air, so I guess I'll end it that way.  Wish us luck on fitting our puzzle family together.      

 

camp, behavior and book

I'm getting more used to being camp counselor Erin.  Still not a long-term career plan for me, but it'll do for the next two months.  The kids are getting used to the routine, as am I and my teen/young adult counselors.  I'm still fine-tuning our structure (transition times, getting in line to go to activities (3 year olds don't do lines, btw), specific jobs for the counselors), but things are easier.  Only one angry parent who withdrew her child, but it was the best thing for the child, who wasn't nearly ready to be here, and was just barely 3, too.

Habtam loves camp, though apparently he's been having a hard time listening and has been jostling to be first at all costs.  That is "line leader" to you seasoned teacher-types.  He is a competitive person, and always wants to be first.  We're working on it, but it is so instinctive to him, he can't seem to stop before he pushes his way forward.  And I think there are one or two kids who are equally competitive and they are all kicking and pushing one another.  

Ah, boys.  This is a big issue in my eyes because I remember teaching in the public school system.  I remember that those kids who pushed and kicked were always in trouble, you didn't necessarily want to play with them, and they were generally the first to be blamed when things went wrong.  If those kids also happened to be black, well, it was even worse for them.  Al and I have been working with H to slow down, think before striking out, using words to solve problems, not muscle.  It does not come easily to him.  He isn't one to strike out at someone for no reason -- his reasons may not be rational to us, but to him they serve his perceived justice or injustice.  He really wants to learn, to have fun, to make friends.  I am concerned that his sense of the injustice of things (why can't I be first, does he have more than I do, he/she should give that toy to me, now) will harm his abilities to fully realize his simple kid dreams.  Any thoughts?  The chart is till in use, btw.  When he is being rational, I allow him to decide if he will get a sad or happy face.  He chooses fairly, and is honest (most of the time!) when he's not been behaving appropriately.  He did try to implicate Lire in the debacle of spitting gargling water all over the floor.  It came out in the end that Lire hadn't spit that particular time.  Other times, yes.

One last aside.  I'm reading  Held at a Distance:  My Rediscovery of Ethiopia by Rebecca Haile.  I highly (Haile) recommend it (hee, hee).  She was born and lived in Ethiopia until about the age of ten, when her father's political work almost lost him his life.  This is a dramatic recounting early on in the book.  Their entire family eventually moved to the US, where she grew up, returning to Ethiopia 25 years later.  I'm about half way through, and am glad to have found it.  It includes personal musings, Ethiopian history (ancient, Christian and contemporary), culture, politics and social policies.  I'm liking it very much.  She has a familiar way of writing which makes you feel like you're listening to a friend discussing all of these intense and complicated issues.

Real hou$ewives -- now with piglets!

I am bone-tired.  I'm afraid my blogging will slow down considerably (more than usual!) this summer.  Summer camp is kicking my butt.  omg.  What was I thinking?

19 (now 17) Three year old munchkins with minds of their own (shame on them!), running hither and thither while I and my trusty counselors (some of whom are teens) attempt to make sense of the child who swears he DOES NOT NEED TO PEE, and then.  Well.  He pees.  In his pants.  "Are they wet?" he asks.  "Yes, I believe so."

Habtam is so very happy that there is no way I can leave, even though I want to run away so very badly.  He builds birdhouses and airplanes, swims, watches crazy Shakespeare snippets, plays drums, basketball and soccer, etc, etc.  So I pretend this is part of my spiritual development.  Patience.  Smiling even when I want to scream.  Leading another round of "Skinna-marink-a-dink" even when sweat is pooling in that area of one's chest between the girls, ready to stream south into my innie.  

Enough of my complaining.  Next up.  Do you guys remember Real Housewives of New York City?  Well, guess who I saw at the beach today?  The Counte$$!  We watched in fascination as she attempted to enter the ocean.  I say attempted because our curiously dressed H. was throwing himself into the froth, edging closer and closer to her, squealing in delight, as his younger brother tossed sand into the air a few feet further on.  H. has a perforated eardrum, so he wears a silicone plug which is further covered by an ear bandit (great invention, though not so much when he tries to dive).  He is a sight.

She actually moved, because apparently the ocean isn't large enough for all of us.  She walked around the back of us, stared at me as she passed, and entered the ocean up-wave from us.  I wondered if she was glaring because I had my bermudas rolled up to unsuccessfully attempt to keep my shorts dry.  Or maybe she just didn't like that my boys were so very excited and happy and interfering with her dip?  Or it could have been nothing at all.  Maybe she always looks like that.  I only watched the episodes that took place here, so I didn't get much of a read on her.

So that's my celebrity gossip for the day.  There may be more to come, if last summer is any indication.  Oh you know, last summer we had two celebrities in our music class with us.  That's it.  No more info.  You can't get it out of me.

If you don't hear from me in a while, it's because I am either comatose, sipping tea and staring blankly, or sleeping while having anxiety dreams about losing control of my summer camp ship.

For your viewing pleasure:  Piglets, c-dog and the boys, who've grown so very big.

frogs, pigs and homeopathy, oh my!

I've alluded in the past to homeopathy and alternative medicine here and there on my blog.  In my own health experience I've used allopathic (western meds) and the alternative paths.  But I do try to utilize the least invasive treatment first and then use stronger stuff when warranted.  My MIL is a homeopath, so I've learned a lot from her, and I've learned a lot from treating myself and all of the rare, strange and peculiar symptoms my illness caused me.  I don't know what I would do without it, and I feel lucky that I have an alternative to Ibuprofen, e.g., if I've got a headache, and that I knew to use arnica before and after my nasal surgery to help with swelling and bleeding.  I amazed the nurses at the hospital when the spurting fount of blood from my nose stopped immediately with my arnica.

I am NOT a homeopath, nor do I pretend to know very much at all, really.  But I have discovered a remedy that helps Habtam SO MUCH with his impulsivity, competitiveness, and anger.  When he was having so much trouble with his fillings falling out, infected gums, and pain, we had to suspend his behavioral remedy and use the arnica daily to help him deal and heal.  Between two fillings and two mini-root canals, it took almost 3 weeks before we could give him his regular remedy again.  And then he caught a summer cold, so we had to interrupt it AGAIN for about a week or so.  A tough month all around for the poor guy.  

So finally we have been able to give him his "happy medicine," as we call it, without interruption.  Ahhh....

I keep track of his behavior using a simple chart of happy and sad faces.  Today I looked at the last two weeks and saw how his behavior fluctuated according to when he had taken his remedy.  Pretty amazing.  Three tough days, no smiley faces.  Remedy given on third tough evening.  Five straight days of Happy faces.  A bad day, a good day, a bad day, remedy repeated.  Three straight days thus far of Happy faces.  It seems to last about five days, then starts to yo-yo, until we repeat the remedy.  I've noticed this for a long time, I just hadn't been charting it, so it's semi-Scientific.

Homeopathy is pretty complicated, and you do have to be interested in it to prescribe for oneself, but there are good homeopaths out there who can help you with the more complicated stuff.  My MIL actually didn't prescribe this remedy, I found it myself, while reading an issue of Homeopathy Today which specifically dealt with adoption and behavior.  It described a child who appeared to come to choices as if with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, like in the cartoons.  His mom described that he invariably chose the inappropriate one.  This is what struck me in regards to H.  We could really see him grappling with the choices between behaviors.  He didn't seem to be able to make a good choice.  He would invariably bite off his nose to spite his face.

Well, I found the remedy and ordered it in various strengths.  It was great.  It was so easy.  And he appreciated it so much.  He started to ask for it, telling us that his brain "didn't work."  I don't know how long he'll need it, or if we'll have to change remedies some day when/if it stops working for him.  What I do know is that it doesn't have any side effects, it allows him to focus, to make better decisions, and to be a happier, gentler person.  I'm not saying it's a miracle and that there isn't any more weird or unwise behaviors.  Because there are!  But he seems to have more control, and that is what he needs.  

I just thought I'd post about the trends I've noticed with H's behavior.  And give a plug for homeopathy, of course.  The remedy he responds to is called anacardium.  It comes from a nut, I think.  No two people necessarily respond to the same remedy because there are so many aspects to choosing the right one.  So anacardium isn't necessarily the right remedy for every impulsive kid.  It's just what works for H right now.

Below are some artworks by our focused boys.  We spent about an hour drawing together.  The first is by Habtam and is of a frog catching a fly.  The second is by Lire.  It's of a mommy pig and a mommy bird feeding their piglets.  Yes.  The mommy bird is feeding piglets, too.  We know a farmer who lets us visit his sows and piglets, and the image has always thrilled little Lire.  He tried to say later that it was ME who was feeding the piglets.  He meant it as a compliment, believe me!  There is no higher calling to Lire than feeding a baby milk from one's breasts.  He is still personally affronted that boys can't do it.