Haven't posted in a while because of serious PAD, lack of time and ability to concentrate, and husband in the city for 2 days. Recipe for meltdown disasters and questioning of my ability to parent and capacity for compassion.
My mom has been here, thank heavens, and has helped a hundredfold. Alex is back, has a permanent shadow in Habtamu, and we're trying to establish trust again. Lire is doing really well, considering, as long as he doesn't get sucked into his brother's vortex of anger and grief.
I have definitely swallowed gulps and gulps of water while treading in this deep, deep pool. I think H. and I are waterlogged, and my mom feels helpless. Having Alex back has given us all a glimmer of hope that things might return to normalcy.
We'll see.
Oh Erin! This is heavy stuff. I'm so glad you're telling us though; not just disappearing for chunks of time like I did. Please call me, or send me a private email with your number (I lost my whole address book last August when Grace spilled a glass of wine on it), and I will call you. I love you, my friend. 8^)
Posted by: 5KidMom | May 23, 2007 at 12:38 PM
Just know that you're not alone and there are lots of resources out there that can help.
Sending good thoughts your way.
Posted by: Mrs Figby | May 23, 2007 at 12:48 PM
How difficult for all of you! I hope that time and your love will help him through all of this.
Posted by: Erin | May 23, 2007 at 12:59 PM
Hang in there...just get through one day at a time. And remember you can just fake the love until you feel it. Just go through the 'good mom' motions. It takes time to grow a relationship, especially when a child is grieving and afraid.
Hang in there....I've been there and I can tell you it gets tons, tons better. By the end of the summer, you'll probably be starting to settle in, and by Christmas I bet it will be lots better.
Sleep. Eat Chocolate. Go for a walk every day. Make sure your child gets lots of physical activity.
One day (or one minute) at a time will get you there.
All the best,
Mary, mom to many, including 2 from Korea and 2 from Ethiopia and 2 more still waiting in Ethiopia
Posted by: owlhaven | May 23, 2007 at 01:03 PM
Erin, it does get better. It gets so much better.
When the high from travel and all those endorphins that allow you to get through the beginning wear off, and you haven't caught up on sleep (and neither have they) and they start to realize this is forever (is it?!) it gets so hard. People told me six months. Six months to feel normal. And boy they were right. It was like a light switch, right about six months after homecoming. And now, it doesn't seem that it took so long at all.
You can email me anytime even if it's just to say "Gaaaaccckkkk!" I'll get it.
Posted by: abebech | May 23, 2007 at 06:11 PM
I'm sending really strong good karma your way.
Posted by: rebekah | May 23, 2007 at 06:53 PM
Hang in there. You really are doing great, even in the moments that it doesn't feel that way!
Posted by: Mayhem | May 23, 2007 at 10:38 PM