relief

I'm not going to jinx us, so I won't tell you how long it's been since a major screaming fit here. All I'm going to say is that everyone is more serene, including the dog, which is nothing but good news.

For those of you interested, I discovered a copy of Homeopathy Today during a rare appearance alone in public at the health food store. It features adoption stories, and how homeopathy has helped families with some of the more difficult behaviors. I found one of the articles especially helpful, and being comfortable with homeopathy (my MIL is a homeopath), decided to try the remedy chosen for that particular child.

We've been using it every day, once a day since the last meltdown, and it has been really, really helpful. I'm not a prescriber, so I don't feel comfortable saying which remedy. Also, homeopathy is really an individualized medicine, and each patient's case is unique. What works for one child might not for another. Have a look at the magazine (the articles are interesting), visit a local homeopath.

I also know that sometimes people attribute a positive change with the placebo effect. I often wonder about that myself, but in this case, we had been trying other remedies to no avail. This one seems to work.

We've also gotten the bicycle (bicicletta) on our side. H. wants to ride it more than anything in the world. We can remind him of it whenever he needs to make a choice regarding his behavior. This works much better than a time out (or a time-in), which is pretty useless for him. The time-outs are much more effective for his brother, who would rather do anything than sit in the designated chair for 2 minutes.

We also are in survival mode, letting certain things go in favor of a happier household. As the boys gain language (which increases with lightening speed every day), we can work more on the less important boundaries, like toothbrushing. "Let his teeth rot, just let me get some rest!" Alex has spent A LOT of time with all of us, which has helped, too. It hasn't helped Alex's work schedule, but H. needs to know that Alex is a constant; when he leaves he will come back, and when we leave, he will be waiting for us. It's going to take some time to establish that trust, so we are being patient, plodding along here. I still am not able to take Habtamu in the car with me and Lire without Alex, so getting errands done has been challenging. H. also doesn't like it if I go off in the car with Lire without him and leave him with Alex, (that's when he refuses to get into the car), so nowadays we go everywhere as a family of 4. I'm hoping I can get him to trust me more, that I'm not going to ride off into the sunset with him, leaving Alex here at the house, alone.

Having some quiet days has been healing for all of us. H. especially has made some language leaps in the past 2-3 days, which has been fun to watch. He is also allowing me to cuddle with him more, to look him in the eye, to chuckle with him about his silly brother while Lire isn't looking.

We've made green playdough, gone bicycle riding, made our own bubbles, taken several baths, and mixed colors together with water and food coloring. We're on our way to becoming a family of four, rather than 2 families of 2, (Mommy and Lire; Daddy and Habtamu) which is what I think H. was pulling for. I should say a family of 5, because of Chauncey. He has been a star throughout all of this. He matured so much during his 3 week CT spa vacation at my parents' house. He even stays by our side during the tantrums, which is saying a lot. He lets the boys take his toys, though hugs are still not allowed. He only let Alex and I do that, anyway, so that's not a surprise. He also guards the boys on our walks. He doesnt' let them out of his sight, whether he likes them or not. Such a good dog.

Comments

[owlhaven]

SO glad things are settling down a bit....

Mary, mom to many, 2 still in Ethiopia

[abebech]

Fantastic.
We still struggle with the family of four, two fams of two thing sometimes.
"Dat (ds's) daddy. Dis my momma." And we too when feasible still go everywhere as a family of four (which leads to craziness like grocery cart racing).