Kembata, cont'd

We arrived at the family of the little girl adopted by our friend, C. He strode forward purposefully, much braver than I think I would be. I won't go into many personal details, as it isn't my story to tell. I will try to give an idea of what it looked and felt like to me.

Alex was in charge of the video camera, I had the digital camera and the polaroid, and our American sw would take notes of the conversation. We were all invited to enter the hut, which was dark and cool. The meeting would take place here. Many members of the village joined us and were not shooed away -- we had heard that this was not unusual in these situations. I also want to mention how incredibly well-made the hut was. The thatched roof was so tightly woven, I'm sure very little water would leak through during the rainy season. I don't have any experience staying in one, of course, but it was impressive to see and attractive to look at. It looked as if many thin reeds/branches were woven side by side concentrically to form the roof, which was later thatched.

Watching someone else going through an experience we would soon undertake was interesting to say the least. The variety of emotions coursing through the room was electrifying and heartbreaking at the same time. I was also interested to see that no one minded that we were taking photos of the experience. "Fotos" have turned out to be the best source of icebreaking we found while visiting Ethiopia. That is why I brought the polaroid camera. Very few people in rural areas like Kembata have any photos of themselves or their families, so they were happy to pose and share the pictures with their neighbors.

The meeting ended too soon for our friend. He wanted to spend more time and ask more questions -- this is how the meetings are designed. The agency suggests you write a "dear birth family" letter which is read aloud and translated into Amharic (or another, more regional language) and to make up a list of questions to ask your child's family. These are questions and answers that you will share with your children as they grow and have questions of their own about Ethiopia, their adoption, their first family.

Unfortunately, our driver and the Ethiopian sw said we had to go, we were on a schedule. Which seemed kind of funny to us, since it was still pretty early and no one around here seemed to be on a schedule for anything in particular. But there was no arguing with them

It turned out one of the relatives of the little girl was friend and neighbor to our boys' family. He jumped into the Land Rover with us and we drove a short distance to our family's home.

**********************************************************************

I still need to flesh out our own visit, so I'll try to get to it tomorrow. Don't mean to tease, but it's hard to describe without betraying the boys' and their family's privacy. The more we get to know the boys, the more confident I feel in our decision not to share the full story right away. As one prepares for an adoption, you read so much about letting them tell their own story, or for them to give you license to do so. In theory, I agreed, but Alex wasn't so sure. Now that we are getting to know them better, we feel it was a good decision for us. They are very sensitive boys, they have experienced trauma and are feeling grief. Seeing it in person brings it home. It hurts them a lot, and they are confused. I felt protective before I met them, but that was nothing to how I feel now. And Alex feels similarly. I've watched him become the most nurturing and amazing father this last week and a half. He has responded so patiently, and with humor and understanding. I feel a bit humbled by him, if I'm going to be honest. I'm supposed to be the one with all of the preschool/toddler experience, loves kids, etc. He is a natural, and I'm learning a lot.

We're still having camera woes, but I promise pictures by tomorrow. Or even tonight. I wish we had taken more on our drive, but it was so bumpy, I doubt many would have come out.

Comments

[MEMF]

Thanks for sharing all this info with us.

I have the same experience with CF being a dad. I'm the early childhood lady, I should know more, but because he's simply following his instincts, not "Piaget's theory" it works out better ( only at times, of course, ha ha ha).

[Melese Ungamo]

please give me about KDN job in kembata zone and now day all kembata universtity student interesting joine to KDN please say some thing