Family visit

First I must say -- OMG I miss my dog! Chauncey is returning home this Saturday, escorted by my parents, who have been caring for him for the last few weeks. I can't wait to see him, though it is going to be tough for him, for sure. We have been having Sammy (his tiny, 8 lb. girlfriend) over to visit and out for walks with us to innoculate the boys for when Chauncey comes for good. L. is TERRIFIED of dogs, and will whimper and scream bloody murder when wee Sammy comes his way. H. felt that way at first, but realized she liked balls as much as he does, so he now thinks she is great. He still has to learn to be gentle with her, and fortunately, she is great with kids, rolls over on her back and stays away when she feels it's too much. Chauncey will be another story. I'm going to mail off two of the boys' shirts to my parents' house so C-dog can have a smell of them before he arrives. I feel for the guy. Ultimately, I know it will work out, but the immediate experience isn't something I'm looking forward to.

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Visit to H and L's village in Kembata.

The land rover parked in front of an opening into another yard along the rutted path we'd been bumping along. My stomach was moving independent of any other part of my body, somersaults, the works. I think our SW said "you're on," or some such, Alex was ahead of me a bit. The people who had accompanied us from our first family visit were still here and eager to watch the next show.

We walked into a clearing which turned out to be H. and L.'s family's yard. I have to mention, if I haven't already, what a beautiful day it was. Around 80 degrees or so, a light breeze blowing, and sunny. Despite all of the people present, it was quiet, and we could hear the wind rustling through the enset and bamboo. The yard and fence surrounding it were very neat and well-tended. Inside, more bamboo fences surrounded crops which included enset, sweet potato, and apparently sometimes corn, though not at that point. I also don't remember if I mentioned that enset is the chief food crop in the Kembata region. I've heard it called the false banana, because of its looks. Fibers from the plants' stalk are scraped and formed into little cubes sort of like tofu. We learned from Solomon, our driver, that it takes 5 years to grow one plant to maturity, which will feed one family for a month or so, depending on the size of the family. We also learned that the average family size was 6-8 children. Most of the people living here have lived here since they were born. The land is generally divided amongst the children (and I think boys get preference here, as it is assumed a girl will marry into another family), so each plot gets smaller and smaller every generation. But the family sizes have not shrunk, they've stayed the same. As green as the area appears, the soil has been severely degraded by generations of farming and overpopulation. According to the Kambata Development Network, the area is one of the most densely populated in Ethiopia, creating an imbalance between population and land resource. There is almost no land left for grazing or preservation, and the forestlands have vanished.

There is a lot of information on this website about the area, and their attempts to help the Kambatas out of this dire situation. The forcast does not sound good when you read it through. Which is why it was so hard to put this information side by side with what we saw around us, which was lovely. The KDN calls it a "green famine."

Returning to our visit, we walked into the yard and greeted the members of the boys' family. We were able to see resemblances between some of the relatives very easily -- it was hard not to stare when I saw H.'s eyes here, L.'s head shape over there. Alex began by reading our letter, which was simultaneously interpreted by our Ethiopian SW. I won't transcribe it here, but it included our gratitude for the privilege of raising their children, our respect for them and how well the boys had obviously been loved. We talked about our intentions to bring the boys to school and how they would have the opportunity to go to college if they wanted. We ended by saying how they were our family too, since the boys were joining us all together, and that they would always be in our prayers and in the boys' hearts.

It was a pretty emotional reading, and Alex had a little break in the middle where he had to breathe a little. They nodded as we read and the SW translated. Next we asked our questions, the answers to which I noted. Our American SW took photos while our friend videotaped what was going on. I should also note that one of the elders in the family shooed away the villagers who were trying to listen in on our meeting. They were more private than the previous family. Each of the family members also spoke into the video camera, though it will be hard to hear, since I doubt they understood that they were being recorded, never mind what recording is.

We got a lot of great information about the boys, including that a cow came into the family upon Habtamu's birth, which is why he was named H., which means "wealth," and that when Lire was born, there was much joy and happiness in the household, the reason he was named so. These little tidbits will be nice to be able to share with the boys as they grow and are able to understand more from us.

Next we presented them with the photo album we had compiled. It had as many pictures of the boys as we had, which was actually quite a lot, since we had asked parents to take some for us and the agency took extras, too. They absolutely LOVED the pictures, kissing the boys' faces as they looked at them together. this really broke the ice. It hadn't been cold or anything before, just awkward. But now we were sharing the boys' together, and it was wonderful to see. They smiled and laughed at the photographs and noted to us how happy the boys looked. We then took polaroid pictures of each of them separately and as a group, along with us. This further melted the ice, and soon people were chatting more easily, we were able to hold hands the Ethiopian way (hand shake with an elbow hold), and exchange kisses, also the Ethiopian way (three kisses, beginning on the other person's right). A little hugging took place (Probably mostly on my part, because I really needed to), which they were gracious enough to accept, even though they are more reserved than that with strangers, I'm sure.

This is when I started to cry. I can't believe I made it so far, to be honest. It was because of a particular look I exchanged with one family member. I know that Ethiopians in general don't look one another in the eyes directly as much as we do, and the further you go out into the rural areas, I'm sure the more traditional it is. We actually looked into one another's eyes and tried to say as much as we could without speaking. It was wonderful, and sad, and I started to cry.

We said our goodbyes ("Ciao!"), and Solomon walked me out to the car, patting my back and saying "you are having a big emotion, I know." I loved him for that. He was such a great guy all around during this trip.

Once in the car, Alex comforted me, and then I heard a tapping on the car window. The elder of the family was there, and his eyes were wet, too. I opened the door and we held hands for a bit, both salty-eyed, not looking at one another directly, but the grasp said enough. Alex and he shook hands and we waved to everyone as we bumped away.

The drive home was just as circuitous and insane, but because we were finished with the visit, the bumps felt a bit smoother.

Comments

[rebekah]

So beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing this.

[Erin]

What a lovely experience that you'll be able to tell your sons about. It sounded extremely emotional for everyone involved. I'm so glad that you were able to do this. Those memories will be cherished by you and your sons.

[Cara, Juni and Elijah]

Hi Erin and family!
Been thinking of you often and happy to hear your news (again, thank you for sharing so much). Lots of folks at work are asking and sending their thoughts. Love you and miss you. Cara

[dawn]

This is amazing to read -- thank you so much for sharing!

[Karen]

I linked to your site from one of the Yahoo groups (I'm sorry I don't remember which one!). I read this post to my husband and I am just weeping. Your writing style is beautiful and descriptive. I could almost picture the faces. It made me so excited for the day when we too will meet "our" birth family in ET. Thank you for sharing, and if you don't mind, I would like to link your blog from mine. :)

Blessings to you and your family!
Karen

[erinberry]

What a beautiful story.

It sounds like things are going very well with H and L.

[Mayhem]

Beautiful... Your last line here is so sweet.

[Amanda]

Hi Erin,
It's Amanda from work. I just reverted to my maiden name (Abraham) hence the new email address. Thanks so much for sharing this blog with me. I've been thinking about you guys a lot (I've been having insane dreams lately about everything under the sun, but you all have been one of my star players). If you need anything, even a gallon of milk, I'm at your service. I think you all are so cool for what you are doing. Love, me.