First full day here

First, I must say thank you for the wonderfully supportive comments. A couple of them almost brought me to tears, which, if you know me IRL, isn't too hard to do. But both Alex and I are tearing up a lot these days. We saw Chauncey's bed in the little cottage today, and both of us had to fight back a sob or two. Poor little dog, he has now idea what's in store for him.

We woke the boys up for dinner last night, kept them up until 8:30 or so, and then put them into bed again. There were tears, but not anything major. Lire woke me up at around 12:30 crying (Al and I had gone down about 9:30). I took him to the couch and cuddled till we both fell asleep. Then my subconscious woke me and told me to put him back to his bed so I could sleep better in my own bed. Smart subconscious. At 3:30 Habtamu woke Alex, and the two of them went to the couch for some cuddling. Lire awoke again about an hour later, and it was party time on the couch under the quilt. Lots of "sunki" (Sidamo or Amharic for "kisses") were traded back and forth, which was super sweet. Of course, I cannot leave out the kicking the brother in the head parts -- cruelty and kindness go hand-in-hand with brothers, I think. Sleeping was not going to happen, so at around 5 or so we all had some oatmeal and bananas, which was a big hit. I don't remember if I mentioned this, but in Ethiopia the children at the orphanage are very often served tea (called "shai", sounds like "chai" but with more of a shh sound) with LOTS of sugar and "dabo," (bread). The kids dip their dabo into the tea and then slurp up the debris and tea that's left at the end. We gave them some herbal tea and dabo, but I think they were onto us. They looked a bit skeptical as they drank, and didn't finish. Later we gave them some real tea, and they were much more into it. We're going to have to wean them off of the caffeine.

H is virtually potty-trained, only an accident here and there, especially during his screaming jags. Otherwise, he can tell us he has to go, and is able to hold it really well. L is amazingly on the road to being totally potty-trained, too. He isn't as good about communicating his bathroom needs, there are a lot of false alarms. However, he HATES having accidents and does not like a diaper with anything in it. I'm switching to pull-ups for him, because pulling the diapers up and down mangles and wastes them. They never wore diapers at home, and at the orphanage the nannies didn't have time to change 40 diapers several times a day, so they are not into carrying their waste around, which is great. While in Ethiopia we were able to witness the lining up of the potty chairs, with a toddler or preschooler perched upon each, all wearing that look of intense concentration we know and love.

We had some fun today outside with the boys, though it is cold for them. H wears a look of consternation when he first comes outside -- "what the?" is the only way to describe it. We ran around and kicked the soccer ball, picked a few flowers and took some pictures. Al was spinning them around upside-down, and H didn't want it to end. That caused meltdown number whatever of the day, the worst one yet. I can't remember what it is called, but I know there is a situation where some children need to spin, or swing, basically move around a lot, because of a sensory integration challenge. I'm going to talk about it with the ped tomorrow, since we'll be going for our required "next business day" visit (required by agency). If anyone has any thoughts about this, they'd be appreciated.

As for the meltdown, Al handled it this time. He had to hold him tightly to get him to rev back down again, and the amazing thing to me is the immediacy with which he goes from full-blown screeching to deep, deep sleep.

I'm off to buy some shoes and whatnot. Pictures will come tomorrow, once we get the cord here in this house. Thanks again for the support!

Comments

[Blaine]

Some of your comments almost made me cry too. I guess adoption must change something in us. 8^)

Rest assured, the strange sleep times, and more importantly the wild wake-up times, will resolve themselves soon. You and Alex may find yourselves visiting the couch or having a VERY full bed frequently for a while, but that will settle down as the boys feel more comfortable and attached.

I love the word picture of kisses (and kicking) on the couch. This...

"...cruelty and kindness go hand-in-hand with brothers, I think."

...is a profound statement. I may print it out and post it on my refrigerator. I would certainly serve as a much needed reminder on the rough days.

How lovely for you that potty-training is well on it's way. I am just a wee bit jealous. My almost 5 year old son didn't potty-train until he was almost 4, and he still has the occasional accident. Yippee for you!!!

[Anne]

Erin, I've been catching up on your trip and homecoming -- sounds like you're really together considering all the changes, jet lag, new parenthood, etc. Can't wait to see photos of the boys at home! Thanks so much for sharing your adventures! :)

[Cara, Juni and Elijah]

Welcome home!So happy to know you are close up. Basically we are in awe and feel so blessed that you chose to share your experiences with us. Our love to everyone and hope to see you soon.

[MEMF]

I'm glad you're able to get outside and have fun. This weather is perfect for them, even if it's a tad cold.

As for the spinning, I think kids just love to spin. Even at 10 months, E spun him self around and around in his doorway jumper. We had to put a stop to it because he was just too darn dizzy when it all ended.

Glad to hear they're able to get into a deep sleep. Hopefully they'll be on east coast time soon.

M

[Erin]

Welcome home to all of you! It sounds like it has already been an amazing experience, and it will never be anything less. Parenting is the best thing in the world. Your boys sound wonderful. It's such a tough transition for little children, but they sound like they're doing a great job with all of your help and love. I'm so happy for all of you.

[abebech]

So great that they are on their way to being potty-trained, but as in all other things, do be flexible or you might be disappointed. At 17 mos our daughter was pretty well potty-trained, but all that had gone by the wayside (along with other forms of regression) until she was really settled. But your boys are a little older, so they may be more firmly established in their habits.

So glad for the good times. As for brothers and violence, my daughter sits on my head (and my son's) to wake us up, something I tell families who are so sure they want a girl to forego the rough play.

I don't know about sensory integration disorders, but for us it was that our daughter believed that she would later be deprived of any good thing that was presently happening (finishing a food, ending a hug, stopping a song or a show even, going inside/leaving a playground . . .) and have incredible meltdowns and grief-like sobbing. Part of it seemed like testing -- "What will you do to keep me from screaming?" to which my husband always said to me "Dance, puppet, dance!" :) but the sobbing showed a real sadness in a renewed sense of deprivation each time something ended. We still have some exaggerated sadness at the end of each pleasurable experience, but now she clearly has enough trust in us that she will be happy again that she has the emotional reserves to manage it (about as well as any toddler does, that is :) ). Not sure if I explained that well or if it helps . . . I may not even be on track.

Remember to delight in the easy times and in the hard times in their very large personalities, which have served them so well, and will serve you all well.

[Beth]

Sensory Processing Disorders/Sensory Integration Disorder. I haven't adopted (yet) but have a 6yr old I'm convinced has it (never "diagnosed"). There's a ton of info on the web about it.

H is at a tantrum/meltdown prone age anyway, so while I'd bring it up with the Dr. I wouldn't assume anything until he's had time to settle in and attach. Then if you still feel something is not "right" push the issue. I always knew something wasn't quite right, but didn't learn about SPD/SID until after DS was older, and now while he's getting special ed for language delays the schools won't test him because it's not affecting his academics.I'm not pushing the issue because my son has developed many coping mechanism's on his own, and has shown huge improvements over the last 2 years, but it's something I try to keep in the back of my mind for handling his still occasional meltdowns.

[Amblin]

I too wouldn't worry about the sensory integration issues unless you are seeing a lot of other red flags (communication issues, other sensory issues, etc). It's too soon to worry about right now ((hugs)).

As a mama of four boys, most just really like to spin. Add to that recently adopted and tantrum age anyway....I think that's probably what happened. ((hugs))