I think I'd better write an upbeat post and tout suite! I most certainly have been in a contemplative mood of late. The third anniversary of the boys coming into our family has recently passed, and then I read about the dissolved Russian adoption case and some people's reactions to it. The whole thing was so very sad, and I found myself feeling sorry for everyone involved, imagining going through with such a thing, how confused the boy must have been, how dissociated the adults must have been.
We are actually quite, quite good here, with the usual and more than occasional challenge popping up. In the Franken-mom post I was primarily talking about our first year together, and we are miles from that now, in a lot of ways. Some of the same bad habits (for all of us) still exist from that time, but awareness of them make them less harmful to our family unit.
Awareness is what I was discussing towards the end of that last post. My own awareness of my reactions, my thought processes, and real awareness of the other members of the family has caused a shift to occur in me. Part of that awareness has come naturally, and part of it has come through work I've done with meditation and study of Buddhism. I am slogging through, for sure, but I'm happier for it. Recognition of my perceived failings as a parent are something I need to look at, learn from, and then move on. I'm trying not to beat myself up, but at the same time look at things as objectively as I can. I tend to write when I'm most inward, and when I have time. So please don't worry! I haven't considered jumping into the ocean in at least 6 months!
Here are the photos I promised two posts ago. Mercury is still retrograde, but hopefully they'll load up.
I tried to upload more, but my computer has had enough. It's complaining rather loudly, alas.